Church.

Do I want to go to campus worship and support my comrades or do I want to go back to the liturgy that centers my day, my week, my life?

I can't express how vital the church experience is to me. The routine isn't the only thing, although my fellow liturgical buddies can attest to its comfort.

No, it's the spiritual experience. I need it, I thrive on it. And any religious person should be able to identify with this. It's more than just my personal enrichment, too. We pray for the glorification of God. We pray for our leaders, religious and those on earth. And we pray for the people of this world.

Then there's always communion. A mystery that I can't even being to explain. But it's a mystery that I need, desperately.

Knowing how much faith and religious experience has helped me and shaped me as a person, I can't help but wonder what it's like not to grow up religious. What is it like to have a nonreligious family? If you grew up in a family that wasn't religious, what was it like? Do you feel like you missed out on anything?

I feel that I would. I'm so grateful that I've never had to go a day of my life knowing that nothing I do could ever separate me from the love and grace of God.

Leave me a comment and tell me what you think. You're welcome to do so anonymously!

Peace be with you,

I have been struggling for a while.

I've been dealing with my chronic pain disorder for a few years now and never figured out how to use my faith to help me through it. All I could seem to do would be to fuss at God- get mad, get angry, cry tears of frustration that I was so helpless and hopeless at times. Which is fine, because God can take my anger. God's big enough for that.
Side note: It's astounding how much my pain disorder controls my life.

Today I finally got it.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I was deliberately created, specially, uniquely, just the way that I am. My legs were crooked for a reason. I had to learn to walk with a brace for a reason. I don't know what that reason is, but I'm unique and God knows that.

Maybe I'm meant to be that one girl who'll go out on a limb and test a wonder drug. Maybe I'm the only one who will be honest enough about my struggles to get some attention to worldwide sufferers of pain disorders.

Maybe I have something to learn from my pain disorder.

Am I supposed to rejoice in the fact that some days it takes strength that is honestly not my own to get out of bed? I don't think so. I don't know if God wants me to be joyful about this- certainly God doesn't think I'm wrong for getting pissy every now and then.

But I finally get it. I'm unique. I'm special. This is how I see life. Everything down to my very anatomy- my very nerve endings- my brain cells- is different with me. I am a unique human.

That's a good feeling. God knows that I'm miserable sometimes, and it's not what God desired to see me hurt, but God knows that I do. God is holding my hand through all of this as I grow.

And I'm thankful.



Uniquely yours,

Spoons

Do you know what it's like to be chronically ill?
My case is a pain disorder. It's one of those things that I know that I'm sick, and I feel myself in constant pain and can't control it, but the doctors haven't given me a definitive answer yet. That is painful emotionally because I feel invalidated, but I should let that bother. You know that you have a cold even if you don't go to Doctor's Care. I know that I have a chronic pain disorder but I just don't know which one yet.

Having said that, my day-to-day existence is different from that of people who aren't sick.

I would post the following story in full, but I want to be respectful to the author's copyright. Please click this link and read about the Spoon Theory. It explains what day-to-day life is like for someone who doesn't "look sick".
I'm having a bad evening with my pain disorder and want you all to know what it's like for me. From now on, when I refer to "running out of spoons", you all will know what I'm talking about.

Love,

What do you want to read about?

Let's face it.
I'm working full time this summer and I don't have a lot of hilarious stories.
I don't have a lot of rant about and I'm not making any large leaps on a personal level that are blog-worthy.

So tell me what you want to hear! What do I think about this? Opinion on that? Tell you about a member of my family or more about my autistic deformed cat.
You know you want to.


BEGGING YOU FOR IDEAS,

Hoping to

Get some decent sleep tonight.

Last night, my cat decided that she wanted to sleep inside. Then she wanted to sleep with me- fine. Then she wanted to sleep ON-FRIGGIN'-TOP OF ME. Kitties make you hot, y'all. It is not cool in my neck of the woods this time of year. So this was not exactly a welcome experience.

I didn't mind too much, I just figured if it's a step in good bonding and if she doesn't give me all sorts of nasty fleas I'd be fine with it. I mean, I was sleeping on my tummy and she was lying on my back so I wasn't breathing in her kitty-ness. Which would have been rank because that child needs to brush her TEEF.

So I go to sleep with my 8-toed-mentally-retarded cat.

Then I wake up in the middle of the night because she started crying and either chasing a squeaking mouse or playing with plastic spoons and making them squeak. Either way, it was OBNOXIOUS because I was trying to SLEEP.

Normally, even at the moment, I would think her behavior was just fine. Shame on me for leaving the spoons on the floor. But at 3 AM... I was annoyed.

So I'm going to go to bed soon and hope that my kitty either doesn't find a mouse to chase and warble out, or that she just lies down with me and stays put. I put the spoons away- lesson learned.


Grace and peace (AND SLEEP),

What is Pentecost?

Pentecost is big celebration in the Christian community. At least it should be!

This holiday is based on the Jewish harvest festival of Shavuot, which celebrated the Ten Commandments coming down from Mount Sinai 50 days after the Exodus. 50 days, thus "Pent"... eh?

In the Christian tradition, it's the celebration of the descent of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit came at the conclusion of that same Jewish Festival, just after the Ascension of the Lord Jesus Christ. In the Christian tradition, the feast falls 50 days after Easter (aha! "pente" again!).

Pentecost is hailed as the birth of the Church. The gifts of the Holy Spirit enabled the apostles to begin their ministry and expand the Church on earth; to spread the Gospel of our Lord.


Happy Pentecost!
Thank you, God, for the Holy Spirit!

60th post!

Oh yes!

I've been busy lately crocheting a baby afghan for a friend. I kind of like the pattern, it's simple- but I'm using a delicate yarn and a bigger hook (size K) so it's very hole-y. That's actually a good thing in a baby blanket, because the baby can't suffocate. Science supports my granny habits. You heard it here first.

I just got back from attempting to give my most recent project companion animal, Delilah (a super-polydactyl cat) a bath.
I say attempting. Because it didn't work out.
She was just too afraid of the water, but my precious baby was so sweet about it! She desparately tried to get out of the tub, but she didn't scratch or claw me, she just wanted OUT!
I gave it two tries, but in the end I couldn't hold her down to bathe her and I really didn't have the heart to make her so worried. Even though her skin really needs a bath- she's got a lot of scabs from her flea bites. So now Delilah is probably a little angry with me, but she's still chilling in the yard so she's not that mad. I just wish I could soothe her skin without a bath! Dad suggested a dip, so I'll look into that.

You can't give Delilah a bath if she doesn't want one. She's from the 'hood. Not kidding.

I tried to give our old rescue/out-of-the-'hood cat, Morpheus, a bath back when he was with us. I took him on the back porch, got a wet towel, and rubbed him down. He was STANKY, y'all, so this was more than necessary. I think I got some Mane and Tail on the towel, and then rinsed him off with another one. I had to have Mom (AKA "Muhhh-ther") to help me, but he got a little clean.

All I succeeded in today was to see how very many toes Delilah has, rinse them, and possibly piss her off.
Utter failure.


Grace and peace (and flea bath),